Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
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New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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