My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
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We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
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When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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