happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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