been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Everything about him screamed your future.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
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How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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