I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize