I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize