Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
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yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
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Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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