i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
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your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
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He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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