I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
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Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
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It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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