fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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