your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
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I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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