running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize