I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize