Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
