...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
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Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
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White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize