Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
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