my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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