Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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