I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think I sprained my soul last night
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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