pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize