How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
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She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
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I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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