I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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