Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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