When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
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It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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