I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
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Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
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My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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