Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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