so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
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Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
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I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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