Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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