I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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