I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
