Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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