I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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