This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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