Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize