New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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