Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize