What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
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Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
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If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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