just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize