Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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