I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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