Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
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He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
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My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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