apparently the secret to your success is patron
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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