from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
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We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
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Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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