I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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