I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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