I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
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It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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