so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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