I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
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Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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