our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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