I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
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In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
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Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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