i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize