hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
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Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
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I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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