so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize