Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
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Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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